How Do I Find a Community of Friends?

Christ and His Friend

I am so thankful to Fr. Tom Hopko for sharing his 10 Essential Conditions for coming to know God’s truth and finding life found here. Today we are considering the 10^th Essential Condition:

The person must find a community of friends with whom to struggle to know the truth and to find life. The search cannot be done alone. We need each other.

Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

For each one shall bear his own load. Galatians 6:5

And all who believed were together and had all things in common; and they sold their possessions and goods and distributed them to all, as any had need.  And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they partook of food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people.  And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved. Acts of the Apostles, Chapter 2

We are made for community on two levels. We are made, individually, to participate in the community that is shared by the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. We are called to put on Christ and have a seat at that heavenly banquet. It is our call to participate in the Divine Life and become partakers of the Divine Nature. We are also called to be one body with others and be built up into a living temple. There is a unity in unique persons fully united with Christ’s Body. We are called to be one with each other and the Lord.

How do I find a community of friends?

• Join like-minded activities (runners meet other runners when they go on group runs, for example)
• Attend church services and hang out after
• Put forth effort to be a good friend
• Pray that the Lord will provide friends
• Introduce yourself
• Ask to get together
• Bear their burden and do not be a burden
• Listen, be trustworthy, apologize, forgive, do not hold grudges, be yourself, share, help, etc., etc.

Illegal Motion in the Backfield

I have been blogging for the past couple of weeks on Fr. Tom Hopko’s 10 Essential Conditions for coming to know God’s truth and finding life. Today we are looking at the 9th Essential Condition:

The person must regularly talk with someone trustworthy, specifically about their family of origin: their family history going back as far as possible, their childhood, relations with their parents and grandparents and siblings, their spiritual and religious history, their sexual history, education, etc.

The 9th Essential Condition reminds me of the National Football League’s illegal motion penalty. First, I will explain the penalty and then explain why I see them as related.

One of the rookie mistakes one often sees in American football is illegal motion. Illegal motion is when a member of the offensive team (other than the man in motion) moves or any offensive player goes forward just prior to the snap. Prior to starting the motion, all players on the offensive side must be in a set formation for a minimum of one second. Otherwise, it is illegal motion and results in a five-yard penalty. Only players in the backfield and not on the line of scrimmage may be in motion at the time of the snap. Only one player may be in motion at one time, and the player must not move toward the line of scrimmage in his motion (in other words, he can only move laterally or backward). If a player other than the quarterback is in motion at the time of the snap it is illegal. There are no football plays that incorporate this violation of the rules and so illegal motion is always a mistake made by a player unaware of the play that is being executed.

I have often wondered if much of our arguments, worries and concerns are based on the unresolved issues, unreasonable attitudes and unrepented of sins from our past. If this is true, and I would love to hear your opinion on this, it is exactly like illegal motion in the backfield. Our childhood and family history, etc. is still in motion and it affects the present. If we are aware of it’s influence it begins to lose influence. Sharing in detail about the past frees us to live in the present moment. By speaking to a trustworthy person about our past we bring these influences to the line of scrimmage. By speaking about them we keep them paused for a second and in the open where they can be understood and confessed

No Secret Closets: Living An Open Life

Every once in a while there will be a news report about a man (usually it is a man) who was able to maintain two separate families without them knowing about each other. I have always found it astounding that someone could live two completely separate lives and pull it off at least for a little while. Those are the extreme cases of hiding and cheating. And while most of us can not fathom that degree of deception it is easy to try to keep some things stored in a dark secret closet of our hearts and minds that no one is permitted to enter. Many of us have some degree of trouble with the essential condition that we must have at least one person we fully trust and that we must open up every part of our hearts and souls to them.

Today we are looking at number 8 of the 10 Essential Conditions for coming to know God’s truth and finding life by Fr. Tom Hopko.

The person should open their life fully to at least one other trustworthy person, telling absolutely everything, without editing or hiding anything: their thoughts, dreams, temptations, actions, sins, fears, anxieties, etc.

1. Pray that you find someone trustworthy and share the entire story of your life, include everything. This person may be a pastor, a professional counselor or a friend.
2. Make a regular and fearless confession to God with another person present without shame and without blame.
3. Knowing that sin has power in secrecy, live an open, honest and transparent life.
4. Answer this question, “What can I not share for fear of losing face, friends and/or faith?”

How Much Money Would Make You Happy?

We have been considering the 10 Essential Conditions for coming to know God’s truth and finding life by Fr. Tom Hopko. Already we have looked at faith, reading the bible, praying, fasting, sexual behavior and practicing silence. Today we look at what we should be doing with our money. Here is #7:

The person should give at least a couple of hours a week to charitable work, and should give away some of their money (if they can) in a sacrificial way. They should do this, as far as possible, without anyone knowing what they are doing.

My father-in-law told me that when most people (rich and poor) are asked how much money would make them happy they all answered that having more of it would make them happy. Our money, and what we do with our money, is connected to the condition of our hearts in a profound way.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:34

I have found that, when it comes to money, there are two types of people. There are those with a healthy view and they share money. And there are those who have a sick view and they love, worry, lie, hide, over-spend, hoard, dream, complain, count and recount their money. Sacrificially giving some of our money away is the medicine for fighting an unhealthy view. Remember that it is our teaching that money is not evil but the love of money is. Having money and keeping it for ourselves is a sin. Straight up!

The rich usually imagine that, if they do not physically rob the poor, they are committing no sin. But the sin of the rich consists in not sharing their wealth with the poor. In fact, the rich person who keeps all his wealth for himself is committing a form of robbery. The reason is that in truth all wealth is from God, and so belongs to everyone equally. The proof of this is all around us. Look at the succulent fruits which the trees and bushes produce. Look at the fertile soil, which yields every year such an abundant harvest. Look at the sweet grapes on the vines, which give us wine to drink. The rich may claim that they own the fields in which fruits and grains grow; but it is God who causes seeds to sprout and mature. The duty of the rich is to share the harvest of their fields with all who work in them and with all in need. St. John Chrysostom.

I know this isn’t exactly in the same category of sacrifice for you or me but, I read yesterday about Gil Meche a major league baseball pitcher for the Kansas City Royals who has had a couple of surgeries on his shoulder and can no longer start. I do not know him but I know that his attitude toward money is unique in his profession. He has made $50 million dollars playing for his team over the years and part of his contract states that the team must pay him an additional $12 million more while he sits on the bench injured this coming season. He decided that it isn’t right to be paid for not working so he retired from the team and told them that he does not want to be paid the balance of his contract. When asked, “why?” He said that he wants to earn what he makes and be able to look at himself in the mirror. It seems that he thinks he has enough money. Not many people think this way.

Pray and Breathe About It

Today we consider #6 of the 10 Essential Conditions for coming to know God’s truth and finding life by Fr. Tom Hopko. This was a difficult post to write because I decided to do it before I wrote about it. Here it is:

The person should sit alone and still in silence for at least a half an hour each day. They should watch their thoughts, but not engage them. They should a very short prayer while doing them, to avoid engaging their thoughts.

I am in my car in a parking lot and have spent the last 30 minutes in silence praying and breathing instead of thinking, analyzing or working. I am praying in my car while my son, John, is skateboarding. I slowed down but my thoughts swirled for a while. This exercise is better done on my hike or office. But today life interfered.

It would have helped to set aside the 30 minutes early in the day before things got going. I did get up and make coffee and read the lectionary and do the morning prayers. But since that time I have been too connected, if you know what I mean. And while this is not my first rodeo it has been more difficult lately to sit for 30 without engaging thoughts. But today I took Elder Paisios’ advice to leave the thoughts in the air like airplanes and not grant them permission to land.

What about you? What has your experience been with sitting in silence for a half hour?

Dangerous and Not an Option

I have been blogging on the “10 Essential Conditions for coming to know God’s truth and finding life” by Fr. Tom Hopko. I read these in a sermon a few weeks back and when I got to #5 there was not a sound in the church. We have about 125 to 150 people in church and a third of them are children. But, when I got to this essential condition it was completely silent. Here it is:

The person should abstain from all sexual activity unless they are married and expressing love (and not just having sex). There should be no TV or Internet porn. If sex is an addictive problem, they must take steps to get formal help.

Not everyone is bit by this bug, but almost. Sexual sin is rampant and it is debilitating. The Church needs to address this temptation more often than we do. I like #5 because it is refreshingly straightforward. I think most people consider porn an option. But it might be helpful to think of it like heroin: dangerous and not an option.

In times of sexual temptation it is helpful to distract and not engage the thoughts further. I did find this prayer rule for purity that might prove helpful.

The teaching of the fathers is also helpful: when we fall we get up and every time we fall we get back up.

Are you Willing to Give it Up?

Scholé has been looking at Fr. Tom Hopko’s 10 Essential Conditions (found here) for coming to know God’s truth and finding life. Today we consider the 4^th essential condition:

The person must eat good foods in moderation. A couple of days a week (like Wed and Fri) the person should fast; eating much less than usual. During this search the person should abstain from all alcohol, tobacco and drugs. Except a minimal amount of wine with meals. If overeating or drinking, smoking or drug taking is a problem the seeker must get formal help, like, for example, a 12 step program.

Let’s clarify that these conditions are for the person who is seeking to come to know, love, trust and follow God, maybe for the first time or for the first time in a long time. But this 4^th condition is helpful for everyone regardless of their stability and longevity in the spiritual life.

This essential condition seems straight-forward to me. Is it? We give up our dependence on chemicals, we get help, we abstain and our dependence on God grows. We begin to hear our hearts more. We begin to hear God more.

Pray as You Can!

My teacher and the Dean Emeritus of St. Vladimir’s seminary, Fr. Tom Hopko, made a list of the ten essential conditions for coming to know God’s truth and finding life.  You can find the list here. The third of the essential conditions is:

The person must pray, as they can. If they claim to be Christian, at least somehow, they should say the Lord’s Prayer, and other prayers of the Church tradition, and attend Liturgical services, without serving or singing or reading. If they are not Christians, or are unsure, they must at least pray, “to whom it may concern,” saying something like, “if you are there, teach me, lead me, guide me…” Fr. Tom Hopko 3^rd Essential Condition

These essential conditions are for those who are trying to find their way back to a relationship with God.

I like the direction that one must pray as they can. We can often find ourselves discouraged about our own spiritual life. We make assumptions and/or judgments about what other’s prayer lives must be like. We do share a common liturgical life. But we have to live our lives and not someone else’s. All the saints had their own sound in the symphony. St. Seraphim of Sarov read the entire New Testament every week. That was his way. It is probably not yours.

It is easier to be in services if we are busy leading them. To attend the services without serving, singing or reading is good counsel. It is more difficult to just come and try to pray. Serving, singing and reading can distract us from the Lord.

I am curious about what your thoughts are about Fr. Tom’s 3^rd condition.. What do you think?

10 Essential Conditions for Coming to Know God’s Truth and Finding Life. By Fr. Tom Hopko

1. The belief that the truth of things can be known, and the desire to know the truth and to do it, wherever it leads, is most essential. Indeed it is everything. When people have this desire and seek truth in order to do it, and are ready to do it whatever it takes to find it, know it and do it, God promises that they will find, and understand and live. In a sense, this desire and seeking is all that is necessary.
2. The seeking person must read the New Testament through, slowly and without judgment of details, at least two or three times, taking the time needed to do this. They should let go of what is not clear, and focus on what they can understand, what is clear to them. It would also be helpful to read a Psalm or two everyday.
3. The person must pray, as they can. If they claim to be Christian, at least somehow, they should say the Lord’s Prayer, and other prayers of the Church tradition, and attend Liturgical services, without serving or singing or reading. If they are not Christians, or are unsure, they must at least pray, “to whom it may concern,” saying something like, “if you are there, teach me, lead me, guide me…”
4. The person must eat good foods in moderation. A couple of days a week (like Wed and Fri) the person should fast; eating much less than usual. During this search the person should abstain from all alcohol, tobacco and drugs. Except a minimal amount of wine with meals. If overeating or drinking, smoking or drug-taking is a problem, the seeker must get formal help, like, for example, a 12 step program.
5. The person should abstain from all sexual activity unless they are married and expressing love (and not just having sex). There should be no TV or Internet porn. If sex is an addictive problem, they must take steps to get formal help.
6. The person should sit alone and still in silence for at least a half hour each day. They should watch their thoughts, but not engage them. They should say a very short prayer while doing them, to avoid engaging their thoughts.
7. The person should give at least a couple of hours a week to charitable work, and should give away some of their money (if they can) in a sacrificial way. They should do this, as far as possible, without anyone knowing what they are doing.
8. The person should open their life fully to at least one other trustworthy person, telling absolutely everything, without editing or hiding anything: their thoughts, dreams, temptations, actions, sins, fears, anxieties, etc.
9. The person must regularly talk with someone trustworthy specifically about their family of origin: their family history going back as far as possible, their childhood, relations with their parents and grandparents and siblings, their spiritual and religious history, their sexual history, education, etc.
10. The person must find a community of friends with whom to struggle to know the truth and to find life. The search cannot be done alone. We need each other.

A Light to our Hearts, Minds and Path

When I was heading home from Young Life camp as a high school sophomore (close to 30 years ago) one of the adult leaders gave me a copy of the New Testament and told me that I would benefit from reading it. I remember reading it on the long bus ride home. Wow! I have been reading a bit of the New Testament daily since that day in July 1983. Reading Scripture brings light to our hearts, minds and path.

Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

The seeking person must read the New Testament through, slowly and without judgment of details, at least two or three times, taking the time needed to do this. They should let go of what is not clear, and focus on what they can understand, what is clear to them. It would also be helpful to read a Psalm or two everyday. #2 Essential Condition for coming to know God’s truth and finding life. By Fr. Tom Hopko

Light Giver

The soul should be provided with the word of God. For the word of God, as Gregory the Theologian says, ‘is the bread of angels, which feeds the soul that is hungry for God. But, above all, one should read the New Testament and the Psalter. From this proceeds illumination of the mind…’– St. Seraphim of Sarov